It's got to start
by Synchronize
Summary: and end somewhere. Edited and whatnot. A little different from before
1. At the Beginning

**_So for those of you who have read this before I am sorry for not updating. Though here is an update for the story it is not 'all' the same. There will also be no blind polls at the end anymore. But if you so wish as to guess what may or may not happen then do so. _**

**_Disclaimer: Honestly no one would want me to have the rights to this movie. Best leave it to professionals, but if Bay wasn't a professional director when it comes to big explosions and stuff, i personally would have hunted him down for the death of Jazz.  
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There was always something that made Earth beautiful to everyone, whether it was in the morning, noon, or evening. Or maybe when it rained someone fell in love with the planet's beauty, or when the sun was blazing and no clouds were there to cover it. Maybe it was when there were clouds in a forest on a warm day in the summer. A cold winter's night in the mountains was another cup of tea, or hot chocolate, to someone else.

To Bumblebee, when the sun began to set upon the horizon and it was framed by just enough cloud coverage, the afternoon was what captured him and made him love Earth on the first day that he arrived. The sun was bright like a flare as it was dying, one last spark of hope surrounded by beautiful colors that radiated warmth.

The afternoon made the Earth beautiful.

There was another thing he adored though. The sunset reminded him of what he adored. He stared into the sunset as he accessed memories.

_**Audio/Visual Files # 1e005**_

_Sam File 996_

_:: "I'm sorry Bee, I didn't mean to keep it from you. I just didn't want you to worry" ::_

What did he ever do to make him worry again?

Oh yes, now he remembered.

He opened the sub-link to another memory file.

-x-

Sam watched the road fly under Bumblebee's hood through the windshield. Mikaela was in the passenger seat, smiling, and turning up the volume. The ocean was on the right side of Bumblebee and the forest of Maine to his left. The beach was gorgeous and the late 6 o'clock sun resting just above the tree line let its fading rays light up the surface of the ocean. Sam let a smile grace his face as he urged Bee to go faster.

Bumblebee took greater care of them though, not indulging in their rather rebellious and adrenaline seeking acts, and slowed down on the turn. People lined the beach, some were putting up logs to start a bonfire for when the sun finally dropped behind the horizon. As they continued along though the number of people grew scarce and they were soon running on a lonely road, just the three of them. Sam saw the near hidden exit and gave Bee the directions to where they could be themselves. Free from the inquisitive eyes of the parts of society that feared the idea of other beings and those that were fanatical about the idea of other beings.

A clearing that if, not encircled by trees, reminded them of the lookout back in Nevada. Bee was free to transform into his bipedal form and blared the music for them to dance to. Sam knew he and Mikaela didn't have to worry about being trampled upon since it was a wide clearing and Bee was always careful with them. He was lost in the joy of being with his two best friends after a long week of taking midterms and dealing with nightmares. No-he wasn't here to remember the nightmares. He was here to forget them.

Mikaela and Bee were doing a damn good job of distracting him too. Life was grand even as the sun set. The stars were hanging brightly over their heads when they finally stopped dancing and landed on the ground in exhaustion-though Bee probably didn't need to fall as much as he and Mikaela did.

Sam sucked in as much air as he could and let his body cool off, his heartbeat was taking its sweet time to go back to beating at a normal pace. And as he cooled and settled he looked up into the inky blackness of space and sky and reveled in the soft glow of the stars. One of those stars Bee had come from. One of those stars that had led him here and eventually led Bee to himself, eventually dragging Mikaela along for the ride. On a tangent Sam realized too late he thought of something that unnerved him.

Didn't that star have to die for Bumblebee and the other Autobots to be here?

And then he thought about the most recent nightmare-NO! He couldn't remember that right now. He needed a distraction again. He was thinking too much now. As his heart rate jumped in his chest he turned on his side to where Mikaela was.

"Hey Mikky-?" He started and found himself talking to grass. Mikaela was a little farther away from him now, standing, and watching the sky just like him. Bee was staring up too and he didn't even seem bothered by Sam's sudden call to his girlfriend. Sam tried to quell the fear in him as memories-little flashbacks of the night before-tried to dance in the front of his mind. He didn't want to let the memories win. He turned his gaze away from Bee to Mikaela once again-and found that his heart had dropped.

Where Mikaela once stood now was replaced by elephantine silver-gray feet. His eyes rose until he found that which resembled a face. Red eyes gleamed down at him.

Nonononononononononono.

Starscream was holding Mikaela at chest level and she wasn't even screaming for him or Bee. She was actually smiling and that made his blood run cold. He lifted himself to his feet and ran to Mikaela and Starscream, though he knew he was forgetting something. His heart-it was pounding. Pounding and beating as if trying to rip itself out of his chest and reach them first.

Though he ran the distance never changed, they were unreachable. Then he remembered what he had forgot-Bumblebee.

"BEE!" He yelled to his close friend and twisted mid-run in the air. His eyes searched for his yellow friend who was nowhere to be found for only a moment. What Sam found made his heart stop and chill like he was dead. Megatron was standing on the other side of the clearing and clutching Bumblebee's throat in his claw-like hand. Sam saw just how easy it would be for Megatron to snap Bee's neck, he saw it happen before too. And how he yearned to stop it-but Mikaela! He looked back at Mikaela and Starscream to find they were standing there just like before and still he couldn't make up his mind on what to do. Bee's life or Mikaela's? He wondered what either Decepticon wanted with him now-his death? His slow and painful demise as he watched them horrendously tear his friends apart? He knew it would work in his already paranoid state.

"So boy," Megatron's voice carried across the now wider clearing, he wondered if it was that big in the first place, "What will it be?"

What would what be? He couldn't think straight as his mind tried to process everything-He couldn't reach them. Neither 'Con was close enough for him to run at them-and in the end what would that do? But he didn't want to give up either of them and-

"Oh so very slow you are fleshling." Megatron almost crooned, "But I shall have what I want either way…" With that he dropped Bee to the earth and Bee laid there prone. Sam suddenly couldn't find the will to run to Bee and watched as Megatron picked Bee up by the wrist joint as if he were a dirty piece of trash.

"No, no, no-please no!" He mentally begged. Megatron ripped Bumblebee's hand away from his wrist joint. Energon, rather beautiful with its pink shade, spilled from the torn wires at the end of Bee's arm. Bee didn't flinch and just took it like a lifeless doll. Sam wanted to look away and when he thought of Mikaela he finally did. If they had chosen Bee then they might have spared Mikaela's life.

How wrong he was.

Starscream's hand was veined with red liquid, pouring down in from where his thumb should be which was hiding directly behind Mikaela. She was smiling at him still and mouthed the words 'I love you Sam". He felt sick inside, sick because he knew that because she loved him she was here right now being killed-and how could she fucking smile at a time like this?

He couldn't bear to look at her anymore and returned to looking at Bee which who was becoming a scrap heap in Megatron's hands. Bee's armor was being torn away ever so slowly from his inner protoform, warped in such an unnatural way that Sam felt ready to puke. His vision was now ping-ponging between the bloody Mikaela and the warped and Energon stained Bee.

Mikaela's body was crushed in Starscream's hand, and to his disgusted relief he couldn't see her smiling anymore, and blood stained the mech's armor. The smile he wore on his facial plates told Sam that he was wearing the liquid proudly.

Sam didn't know why he continued to watch but he did and with one final look at Megatron and Bumblebee he saw Megatron's hand reach for Bumblebee's throat.

"NO-!"

-x-

"Gnh-NO-!" Sam choked out. His arms flew into the air and his hips twisted, legs flailing to gain purchase on ground he thought was there, and he fell onto the floor of his shared dorm. ON his hands and knees he was gasping and choking, he saw Mikaela's blood and Bee's energon on his hands.

"He-hel" He tried to call for help and ended up coughing again. His throat was on fire, his stomach was churning and the only thing he could think about was having enough dignity to crawl over to the trashcan and heave. How he did it he didn't know. Leo was suddenly up and by his side, rubbing his back in a rare act of kindness.

"Sam?" He asked him softly. Sam was amazed at how kind the paranoid teen could be, "Sam, buddy, you don't look so good. Want me to take you t the bathroom?" Sam was grateful that Leo knew what was happening to him. He was grateful that Leo helped him to the bathroom and stayed by his side as he expelled what was left in his stomach. He was grateful that Leo kept the vow of silence, because he had told him he would get better.

But he was also afraid of the lie he had told Leo and himself. He wasn't getting better and sooner or later someone, someone he didn't want to find out about 'this', would find out. And if his stomach wasn't already emptied by the time Leo had rushed from the bathroom and back in with his phone he would have heaved again.

"Sam…. It's Bee."

-x-

Yes…

Bee remembered…

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_**The dream sort of prophesizes things to come...**_

_**And there is an update. Be happy with it...even though it's not the 'happiest' read I've ever written.....**_

_**Also Merry be-lated Christmas to you all and happy New Year!  
**_


	2. When you think they won't notice

**Synch: So..... I've been gone... awhile.... But hey I come bearing new chapter! So... please don't maim me in any sort of way because that would be bad and I don't particularly want to go see Ratchet anytime soon. Or my other doctor.... Actually I think he misses me... but I still don't want to see him. Anyway!**

**ENJOY CHAPTER! If it seems at all enjoyable to you...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own nada except for my lame jokes that I make all of these guys think/say. **

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Bumblebee stayed until the last rays of the sun flashed and died behind the horizon. There wasn't much else to do in the darkness so he transformed and drove off back to the base. The clouds that framed the sky had darkened and gathered so closely together now and he could feel the pressure building.

_**Audio/Visual Files # 1e000**_

_Sam File 050_

_:: "When it rains it pours, Bee" Sam said with a smile as the clouds began to darken. ::_

They were driving back in Sam and Mikaela's hometown back then when they started teaching him certain phrases of the English and human language. It was going to rain and there would be electrical discharge and the sky would open up wider as the water works were released.

"No" Bumblebee mused, "It will pour, not rain" So pour it did. The dirt softened into mud and made the grip of his wheels lose their traction, once nearly making him spin out and slide off the dirt road. He never stopped driving though just like-

An automatic link popped up across his optic screen.

_**Audio/Visual Files # 1e005**_

_Sam File 997_

_:: Sam was sitting in his driver side seat and obviously fighting off sleep. Drenched in cold, drying, sweat. All he knew was he needed to get him to a hospital or Ratchet."_

He chose Ratchet that night and had driven off to the base, all the while trying to figure out what was wrong with Sam. Now all he could ask was why Sam had kept the truth from him.

_**Audio/Visual Files # 1e005**_

_Sam File 997_

_**:Sub Link:**_

How many times had he replayed these?

-x-

Sam shuddered and heaved once more with nothing coming out. Sucking up the air like a drowned man he reached out, without looking at Leo, and received the phone. He looked at the caller ID and saw the loving nickname stamped right across the screen.

Bee-otch.

"F-fuck" Sam groaned as his blood ran cold.

"You want me to answer it for you?" Leo offered.

"And t-tell him what?" Sam asked, trying not to sound pissed off, "No I can do this just one sec." He clicked the pick-up button and raised the phone to his ear.

"Sam? Are you alright?" Bee's voice floated through the phone and into his ear. Suddenly he felt like he couldn't do it anymore.

"Y-yeah Bee I'm fine" Sam stuttered. Lying was never his strength.

"Sam…" Bee's tone was much like the one his mother adopted when he was in trouble.

"_Fuck robots that can manipulate sound waves"_ Sam thought in despair. "Bee really I am fine."

"Then can you explain why you fell out of your bed and purged your tanks into the waste bin?" Bee was utterly calm as he questioned Sam and Sam dammed his infinite patience.

"I had a nightmare Bee, but it's okay it doesn't happen all that often and it probably won't happen for a long time now." He explained and hoped Bee bought the lie.

"What was it about Sam?"

"Uh-About turtles, they were terrorizing my family-And hometown-and eating… people." He stuttered too much through it he knew. There was a pause over the phone. Sam had that sinking feeling, or maybe it was his stomach trying to dry heave once again, that he was caught. Red handed. In so much trouble he might as well have dug his own grave and been buried in Ratchet's wrenches. Yeah that was a pretty-

"You've never been afraid of turtles before…" Bee finally responded.

"Er-Well it's just because of the dream-I mean you should have seen these things and how big they were and-Bee! They were eating my parents for!-" Leo was staring at him incredulously now as he listened to the insane, obviously fabricated, lie that he was trying to pass off to his guardian.

Sam knew he was screwed.

Couldn't hurt to try though.

"Sam…." The Bee/mother-tone again.

"Yes Bee," Sam had instantly stopped talking knowing he was caught.

"I want you down here in my cabin in less than five minutes. If you don't come or can't make it yourself I will ask Leo to bring you down or I will be reaching through your window and bringing you down _myself_." Bee's voice was low and after his final words the transmission ended. Sam looked at his phone and closed it.

He groaned again as he repositioned himself so rest more comfortably upon the cold tile of the shared bathroom. Leo stayed silent for a few moments and fidgeted as he waited for Sam to relax.

"So….so what time is it?" Sam asked nervously. Leo looked at the digital clock across the room.

"Almost two a.m." He responded in a casual way, casually numb as if it was normal to talk so early in the morning. Sam sighed, closed the toilet lid and rested his head against it while pulling the handle down. He closed his eyes and listened to the water drain. Like white noise and it was somewhat calming.

"_Calm before the storm"_ He thought to himself. Then Leo stood up and held his hand out to him. Sam looked up and mentally noted to himself that the light was too bright and shielded his eyes.

"Come on Sam, gotta get you to Bee." Leo smirked playfully, "Unless you want to explain to people why there are robot sized footprints right under our window whenever you come back."

"Heard all of that did you?" Sam groaned as he was lifted up and he could have sworn his stomach did a flip. Leo smirked even more and dragged him out the bathroom door.

"Kind of hard not to with Bee's voice being so deep, amigo." Leo let go of him and headed towards his dresser. "Here let me get you a shirt and stuff." Sam let his shield/arm fall to his side and waved him off with the other.

"No-no, I'll just go." Sam said and headed towards the door, within three steps he was gripping at his abdominal area, "I want to get this done with as soon as possible. I'll be back sometime tonight I think anyway." Leo shrugged and closed the drawer. He looked over to the used trash can and his face scrunched up in revulsion.

"You are so cleaning that out when you get back dude." Sam chuckled and managed a nod.

"Whatever, don't wait up for me then." With that he shuffled towards the door and out into the hallway. As he closed the door he heard Leo hastily drop the trash can onto the bathroom floor. Clutching at his phone and abdomen he shuffled down the hall, tired and exhausted yet still running on the nightmare adrenaline, and off to where he guardian sat waiting. He wished the trip had lasted a bit longer as soon as he saw Bumblebee waiting for him by the sidewalk with his engine running and lights on.

With his stomach flipping once more Sam made his way to the driver's side door which popped open with ease. No music was playing from Bee's radio as Sam buckled himself in and closed the door. His anxiety built up as Bee revved his engine lightly and took off our of the student parking lot and onto the road.

In the 2 a.m. darkness absolutely no cars passed them and Sam willed himself not to fidget as he waited for Bumblebee to start questioning him. The radio let out a faint fizzle and Sam expected Bee to start talking but all that came out was Breaking Benjamin's Forget It. His lungs seized for a moment and then relaxed. His hand twitched. Control was breaking down bit by bit.

Suddenly Forget It stopped playing.

"Sam?" Sam tensed and pushed himself back into Bee's seat.

"M'yeah Bee?" He tried to tell himself to relax, that he wasn't lying to Bee. Unfortunately he hadn't been living with the lie long enough to believe it himself.

"Why are you lying Sam? And what exactly is wrong?" Bee wasn't the type to beat around the bush and Sam had no time to think up another half-assed lie.

"I-I'm not lying to you Bee," He said defensively, " I've just been having nightmares and that's all. Really it'll stop soon and I bet it won't happen again tomorrow night anyway."

"How many nightmares Sam?" Bumblebee asked calmly though he did sound a bit worried.

"A couple, maybe one or two a week-" Sam began and then was interrupted.

"This is your fourth this week." Stated Bumblebee, "And there were more last week Sam, it's been going on for about two months and I haven't said anything until now but tonight was the worst I have witnessed so far." Sam started to notice that his skin was drenched in cold, drying, sweat and that he had goosebumps on his arms and neck at the very least. He felt cold and his stomach felt like it was somersaulting on a trampoline.

He finally admitted to himself that it was a losing battle against an ancient sentient being that would win any argument that he would produce. He resigned himself to curling up in Bee's seat and noticed that his shirt was sticking to his back and tugged at it until it was comfortably stretched.

"Sam, talk to me." It was a request and for once it was one Sam didn't want to oblige to. How could he? Was he to tell Bumblebee that he dreamed of watching Megatron shred him into scrap metal? Or how he dreamed of Starscream crushing Mikaela in his claw/servos? Not to mention-

Sam didn't want to relive the nightmare, it was bad enough once.

"It's just nightmares Bee, really that's all it is." He tried vainly to persuade Bumblebee to drop it.

"Purge inducing nightmares?" Bee inquired.

"Yes Bee-" Sam signed exasperatedly, "Purge-vomit inducing nightmares. It happens sometimes. Okay?" Sam let his head fall to his knees and wrapped his arms tighter around his curled legs.

"It's not okay Sam," Bee said pointedly, "In fact it's not okay to the point where I'm taking you to Ratchet to get you checked out-And I'm not giving you and option Sam. You are going." Bee said with finality. Sam opened his mouth to argue but no sound escaped. He banged his head against his knees, which he quickly found was not a smart decision, and growled more to himself.

"I don't _need_ Ratchet, Bee."

"Yes you do Sam. As your guardian I am supposed to protect you from any and everything that is dangerous to you. These nightmares are harming you Sam." Bee waited for a moment before continuing, "Maybe not so much physically right now but you are being harmed mentally. I'm not a medic or a psychologist so I will take you to someone is more qualified than I am. And seeing as I don't trust the psychologists of your species Ratchet is my only option."

Sam didn't grace his speech with a response but kept his face covered by his knees and mumbled to himself about "pointless" and "I'm fine". Bee watched Sam for a moment as the silence reigned over them, thick and heavy.

"Maybe you should rest a little more Sam, it may do you a little good." Bee suggested and turned the radio back on, still playing soft music.

"M'not tired," Sam argued defiantly like a child. Inwardly Bumblebee couldn't help but giggle.

A clap of thunder shocked the both of them just then. Sam shot up, legs to the floor, and back pressing into the seat. His heart had accelerated to the same point as when he had woken from the nightmare. As he looked out the window to look for the lightning he saw the ocean on his driver side. Slowly he looked to the right and saw the forest on the passenger's side.

He curled up again and stared intently at the forest and the trees whipping by. The rain began to fall then and for a quick moment Sam glanced up through the driver side window and then back at the forest.

He sighed miserably.

"When it rains it pours, huh?"

Bumblebee didn't grace him with an answer.

-x-

Bumblebee watched as the lights of the base glowed in the distance, growing brighter every second. They flickered though as rain fell down as if trying to pound the dirt away. Or was it trying to pound him down into the dirt?

"_Yes Sam…"_ Bee thought to himself, _"When it rains it does pour…"_

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**So would anyone like an explanation as to how everything is being perceived and viewed? Becuase if you don't get it then tell me because I would love for everyone to be able to understand it and it would imporve my writing abilities/style. **

**Otherwise I hope this was good and I know I'm going to sound like a review whore (yeah I went there and called myself that for you already) but please send them my way, especially if you like. I'm trying to update faster really... Reviews spurr my imagination. As I'm sure any and all of you know that the same applies to you...**

**Love ya!**

** Synch out.**


	3. When you are finally breaking down

**Welcome to another, long overdue installment of It's Got To Start. Enjoy. :D **

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Rain pouring down his alt frame and lights growing steadily clearer in the night and Bumblebee felt something tear through his systems suddenly. His wheels locked up and he skidded off the road into mud. He couldn't process anything straight it all just became a jumbled blur, his joints wanted to rip out of place and turn him to his bi-pedal form-he wanted to run, to turn, to destroy something. He was holding precious cargo and he needed to protect it. Ratchet wasn't good for the cargo at all

**::Must Stay Away From Ratchet::** His processor practically yelled at him. He was facing away from the base and it just began to cross his processor to just speed off. Then it halted.

He stopped.

He scanned his cabin.

No cargo.

He relaxed and waited a moment for his wheels to depressurize and turned back around towards the base. Covered in mud he knew someone would berate him for getting dirty. Mirage maybe. He drove off towards the base again and didn't stop.

He didn't remember the names of the human's that guarded the base entrance but he did remember the mech that took the night shift to guard the gate. Black and hulking, Ironhide waited for him on the other side.

"Hello Bumblebee, how was the sunset?" Ironhide asked. Bumblebee transformed into his bi-pedal form, standing just a little taller than Ironhide, and stared at him for a moment with cold optics.

"It was wonderful as usual Ironhide." Bumblebee answered dryly and started walking. There wasn't much to say these days between the two.

"As long as it makes you happy Bee then I don't mind letting you go out there without anyone." Ironhide replied almost absently as he followed. They were moving towards the Medical Bay.

"I can protect myself just fine Hide. You don't need to worry about me as much." Anger laced his vocals as he grabbed hold of the med bay doors and swung them open.

"Oh right like you could-" Bumblebee glared at Ironhide, "Sorry, that was out of line…" Ironhide fell back and waited by the door. "I'll see you in a bit then." The conversation ended and Bee disappeared through the doors without another word.

Mech sized medbay to the right and human sized medbay for Ratchet to look at the humans to the left. Ratchet was located in M12. He walked through the white halls, occasionally staring at the white ceiling and walls-

**Audio/Visual Files 1e005**

_Sam File 997_

:: "Rah-tchet?" Sam whispered, staring up at the Medic and curled farther back into his corner. Ratchet was staring back at him just as frightened. Sam curled in upon himself and his inner monologue started up.

_"OhpleasenoOhpleaseno-don't don't find out-" _::

Bumblebee stopped and rested a servo over his spark as he settled. It was bad enough with problems of his own these days so why didn't he just-

"Bumblebee?" Ratchet was halfway out of the med bay door and cleaning his built in saw. "Is it that time again already?" He nodded and walked in.

"Not so afraid of check-ups anymore?" Ratchet inquired. Bumblebee didn't say or do anything other than walk over to the berth and sit down, waiting patiently for Ratchet to begin. All the while his inner monologue was screaming at Ratchet that no he wasn't unafraid-in fact he was terrified and that he would do best to stay the pit away from him if he wanted to use his servos ever again.

"Well this time around I need to check and see how your spark chamber is holding up with the change so I'm going to put you into stasis okay?" Ratchet guided Bumblebee on the recline and opened a port in his arm to set off the stasis.

"I'll see you in a few joors Bumblebee." He jacked into Bee and shot through the firewalls and Bee's optics offlined, his body completely relaxed. Bumblebee's processor didn't shut down though.

**Audio/Visual Files 1e005**

_Sam File 997_

"Oh Sam…"

-x-

Sam didn't remember falling asleep but he sure as hell remembered what woke him up. Someone was rapping on Bumblebee's window and was very persistent. Sweat glued skin tore gingerly from the leather of the seat and confused fingers searched for the window button-Bee was ahead of him though. Will poked his head through the window with a smile.

"Hey Sam how's it going?" And then the smell hit him, "Dang kid what did you eat and chuck up?" Wafting the air around the cabin in a horrible attempt to circulate fresher air made Sam want to gag. His mouth was dry as cotton yet he could taste the residue of bile and whatever he had eaten the night before. Licking his lips he tried to speak.

"Will. May we pass?" Bumblebee asked.

"Bee-" Sam started but the croak of his voice stopped him.

"Oh geez Sam you are as bad as Bumblebee said you were. Yeah Bee get him to Ratchet soon –And Sam I'll come see you soon as Ratchet clears ya, okay?" He clapped Sam on the shoulder and stepped away letting Bumblebee through the gate.

Sam sunk deep into Bumblebee's bucket seat as some of the soldiers stared. Some waved and he meekly waved back. Then-oh then- did Sam wish Bumblebee's seat would just swallow him whole and never spit him back out. Ironhide was driving up alongside Bee giving a welcoming honk then transformed. Wordlessly Bumblebee stopped and opened the passenger door allowing Sam to step out only to allow himself enough time to transform and quickly pick Sam up and cup him in his large servos protectively. Sam didn't object and curled up, grateful to avoid having to converse directly with the weapons master.

"Sam?" Ironhide asked and leaned over to get a glimpse of the reclusive human, "Will he be alright Bumblebee?"

"M'fine 'Hide!" Sam croaked angrily and flailed an arm weakly to wave him off. It was bad enough for Will to see him so weak and disheveled, let alone Ratchet looking at him soon.

"He's - what does Will say about Sarah?- moody like a femme." Ironhide commented. Sam flailed some more to right himself into a sitting position in Bee's hand and glared at Ironhide.

"Did you just call me a girl?" He growled and even though the metal of Ironhide's face didn't provide him the same ability of human facial expressions Sam was damn sure he was smirking.

"I believe I did youngling." And the idea of flipping Hide the bird suddenly flitted across Sam's mind.

"Don't let the rust bucket get to you Sam, he's just trying to make sure you are - to some degree- still okay." Bumblebee interjected coolly and it was Ironhide's turn to glare.

"And this rust bucket can get you to have a check up today if you aren't careful Bumblebee…" Ironhide growled. Bumblebee cupped Sam closer to his chest and stepped away muttering, "Duly noted." Before turning on his heel with Sam chuckling to himself.

-x-

Sam walked into Ratchet's perfectly pristine medbay with a towel over his head and dressed in a clean white shirt and pants after thoroughly scrubbing himself of sweat and grime. From what Sam could feel, from walking on the ground to sitting on a mech sized examination table, there was no dust, no hint of any bacteria even. He almost thought it was his personal Twilight Zone/Asylum room if it weren't for Bumblebee and Ratchet standing right in front of him. Actually it looked even more like the Twilight Zone with them there.

Ratchet leaned down close to Sam and stared at him for the longest time until Sam deemed the proximity and intensity too much.

"Um… Ratchet… what are you doing?" Sam inquired gingerly.

"Examining you" He answered bluntly, continuing to stare. Sam made to squirm a little on the spot. "Do. Not. Move." Moments later Sam was allowed to twitch as much as he liked and Ratchet turned to Bumblebee. "Let's take this outside," He turned back to Sam with a piercing glare, "You will not leave that spot are we clear?" Sam nodded quickly while doing his best to keep eye contact with the wrench-flinging-medic. Ratchet nodded and stepped out, leaving Sam to his Twilight Zone.

For the longest time nothing happened as Sam's mind wandered with his eyes about the room. There was nothing to catch his attention so he reclined onto the berth and closed his eyes and began to think of Mikaela and his parents, of life outside the walls and the dorm of his college. Of the sky and rivers and metallic roads. Of citadels and people and bots of all kinds walking about. And- it was all wrong.

"Wha-?" He shot up and curled in upon himself with hands barely covering his eyes as he stared at white walls. At least he knew they were once white. It was a little confusing to see a metallic road opening up before him, and extending out to a horizon dotted with mechs that looked like the rest of the transformers. Not to mention that there were buildings reaching up to a dark sky with lights blazing out from every crevice making it seem like the entire citadel was decorated for some holy holiday. Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from what he was seeing.

_"I'm dreaming again-I fell asleep and I'm dreaming and this isn't real and I'm not freakingout-"_ Sam thought to himself as he suddenly heard and watched someone fly past him in alt. mode. He watched the mech, no femme to be correct, turn to bi-pedal mode and turn around to him. Then the horror unfolded.

He blinked and everything was shattered like a broken mirror. He noticed the femme first and looked anywhere but where she was after a glimpse of her broken body. It was too twisted-too similar to what could have been his mom-too like his own dreams of Bee and Mikaela.

Sam was drowning in the vision now. The building had collapsed and few if any stood merely more than spires waiting to impale the body of another. Soot red ash rose from the smoke that plumed from the buildings and the ground and colored the sky a destructively beautiful red.

Sam didn't want to focus on any of the carnage though he couldn't escape any of it. It was there before him and around him and taking him in, suffocating him. And then for a brief moment he thought darkness had overtaken him and let him wake from the nightmare. Though not before filling his vision with that of a purple insignia and glowing red optics.

The next moment Sam felt anything was when he recognized a terrible pain up and down his spine. His lungs screamed for air and when he opened his mouth his eyes followed suit. He never thought that white was so beautiful before he opened his eyes. Sam's chest heaved as he laid there collecting himself from his horrible nightmare and glimpsed the area around him. He had fallen off the berth that much was for sure.

He forced his body to set him up right so he could move, begin to forget the tragedy he witnessed in his own mind. No sooner was he able to sit did he see Ratchet's feet enter his sight.

"Rah-tchet?" Sam whispered, staring up at the Medic and curled farther back into his corner. Ratchet was staring back at him just as frightened. Sam curled in upon himself and his inner monologue started up.

_"OhpleasenoOhpleaseno-don't don't find out-"_

"Sam what happened?"

-x-

It wasn't like waking up from recharge. He simply just stopped processing bodily functions and after what seemed to be a short period of time his body started up again as if he was only blinking. Ratchet closed up his chest then motioned for him to sit up.

After running a systems check he found nothing wrong with his personal state and slid off the berth. He got as far as the door before Ratchet spoke.

"Your systems are adjusting well to the upgrade just so you know. I believe that you will only need to be in here a few more times before you are cleaned up nicely and adjusted." With that Ratchet gathered up his tools and either put them away or set them close to the sink to be sanitized.

As Bumblebee stood halfway out the door he turned around, words forming in his processor, he tried to speak. Ratchet turned to him quickly even if he tried to feign indifference Bumblebee could see him hoping that he would say something.

And the words died in his vocalizer and he stalked out of the med bay. He wanted to leave before he could hurt Ratchet. All that wanted to come out now was something he knew he would regret saying.

**:: I hate you ::**

After all he was supposed to protect him.

Even from himself.

**

* * *

**

**I am evil I know :3 First I make you all wait months for this and then I just leave you confused. I will be nice though and update sooner because I should and I really want to get this out here. Also I want it noted that anything that doesn't make sense, like height issues and the like, are there for a reason and you are allowed to ponder why and even guess  
**


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